Earth shakes

time-check:10.40pm

sch was usual jus got disturbed during recess
my dear mother rahayu steal my wallet..haha

nth much today
watched slumdog millionare in class
jus try to mke subahashini smile even though she try to hide her smiles away.

went uma house after school.
watch kabhi kushi kabhi dunnoe wht i dunno how to spell..
then laugh till like mad.we share the same weakness.
then we felt the earthquake la..
like the whole house shake shake.waaah damn scary but fun siah
had good time with her

went baq to place i wish i wud leave from there faster.
mkin me feel so annoyed.
im so annoyed tht i cry.
being nice for the first few days now baq to sqaure one.
u go baq to how u were.
wht happen to all my sacrifices ive done for u.vanished.
when he called u ..u went.
its like in a competition and tht b** is jus getting the score and credit.
u jus mke me lose trust.
u hurt me once agn.it wasnt worth fightin for u.
u mke mee so angry.more of hurt then anger
no seriously do u even carE?

simple things like having my dinner.
was tht 3rd person mre impt then me?
when he called u to eat u joined in...did u even bother abt me?
for the sake u asked whther i was goin to eat..but i knew u cudnt care less
right now im freakin hungry..u cant be bothered whther i ate.
as blood u dun.
thts whye i say i appreciate ppl when they care for me.cuz i dun get it from them...

like aswini today being sweet during recess.
like lan always mkin shure ive taken my meals.
like anand who always want me to study
like uma who wants me not to get hurt but to find my way out.
like the previous him who wud get so angry when ppl hurt my feelings.and wants to slap my face when i told i was abt to be knock down by a car..
i appreciate it..

shit i got an eextra job to do now.
wiping my keyboard.its wet.


and when i do so much for u.
i sacrfice my happiness my time my frenship my love and my evrything for u.
u jus backfire me.oof all ppl u...man tht seriously hurts.
seriousy hurting me..

Choke & Saffocate

time-is:11.50pm

met my darling then went to school
well can sEe in her face tht her knees are in pain.thts jus realli sad laaa
recover soon.love u..

tivya has been speakin like my brother lately which
is seriously awkward.having smeone right beside u talkin like someone who is a pain in the neck at home..anyways tivya is not a pain in the neck.she is jus nice.straight forward.
and has been there for me lately during all the melodrama and problems ive been goin throught recently.thaankss.

khay..
this who pasir ris thing is rellli crazy shit.
i feel like killing those who cnnt cooperate with it.
seriousli if cash is the problem ..jus dun come.most happy to hear u dun turn up.
the 8 of us can party the whole night without anyone else.ill show u =)
im not angry its jus tht 15 yr old jus ccnt cooperate.its jus dumb la.
k movin on..

recess uma forced me to eat comin up with an excuse tht it was her last day fo school for her..
speakin of last day of school ...im gonna miss her oh so dearly=) though we live few blocks away
given her half and hour allowance when i need her beside me ..*inside joke*
and seriously gonna miss those sweet recesss times i spent with u.=(
we shal meet for dinner wahahaha..oh and seriousl i have a lady in mind who wud think
"ha this loser will have to sit all alone after she leaves school.she will regret not worshipping me"
ha fyi. about to join baq wit class 2/1 from next yr cuz we all have oni two yr left to spend time with each other..an after ttht dunnoe where will we be ending up at..sigh..ill relli miss my form class and 2/1...either tht or the plan tivya was saying was to spend mre time with class 3/2
cuz we assholes are not bonding at all..and its time smeone came out with an idea..
lols.then the other plan was me tivya ravin luqman jolyn together.lols i dunno la..
i think i not even planning to go for recess.ahahhaha.recess is a very impt part of school=p
whye thats the oni chance i get to seeee uuuu...NOT oni tht its jus time to spend time with ur frens la..k crapping too much..


after school went for physics supp.was relli tired..energy drained out..
after physics went to math supp at comp lab ..at 3rd floor..finish ard 4.45 i and jolyn left..
oh no not forgetting how much i laughed my ass off at comp lab la..
laqman was jus being a total whore la..hahahaha..keep mkin the lmaest jokes ever.
but i kept laughin till my tumy pain siall...hahha i reelliii enjoy being with him la..
left then went to meet faris awhile talk to him under sme block with hudayyah and si yan.
then ciaoz.

went hoem too tired fel asleep woke up hour later.
ppl came to get my new fridge done.
went down with momma to buy food for myself..

bro come home then left again
his fren kochi's sister is unwell.
hope she is fine..

my love is not involve i believe=)

k ermmm it 11.50 now..
i better go study..
adioz.

love all
peace

i jus wanted a reply from u.
not silence.

yes eswaran i love u more than anything=)

my LOVE

time-check:10.10pmcool timing..k i knoe its lame.

k tom might be meeting indran idiot after school.he wanna buy smth for smeone hehehe smth..






uma is badli hurt..and tht jus sucks alot la..
i feel sooo sad la.
darling hope u cud walk properli soon.
tke cre of urself.love you


recess was great actually
haha vidette was jjus talki and talkin all the way.
then it was suha's birthday today then i almost forgot
so i wished her afterwhile..felt relli guilty la.
then nvm moving on..

last night bro tell me about one of my close one..
i wont be able to see him for another 2years.
boi i jus cnnnt believe my bro words.
it was as if i was in a dream o wht..im gonna miss him so much.
relli so much.hurt in the inside knowing i oni can see u when i 17.
love u dear one.u will always be rmbered.sighs.

sucks la..this jus sucks la.
like wtf la...why did he do tht do get tht la.
curse the world..actualy it was his fault also la.
waaaaah hate this so much.

k moving forward again
and i again hate to go home.
i hate see situations.i hate to see the sad faces
i hate it..hate hate hate.
mre of hurt then hate.

k.whtelse.
aravind was talkin abt him all the time.
and i kinda believe wht he said.
he sounded so true.k uma said might not be true..lets see how it is...



feeling reli exhausted.
i wont blog starting from tom i might blog on friday if i dun go out.
saturday no..sunday yes maybe.
mus start doin the last minute revisions.


and smth which relli hurt me today was.
the gift she got me ..it broke.
its not my fault.i jus move it and it broke.
my fren told me its a sign which says there's problem between u and me.
and true enuff im hvin problem with u..
aand the gift u gave me..was the gift evryone loved and was amazed by it.
and im relli sorry.
im relli hurt when i saw it broke.forgive me.it was not my fault=(

One Last Chance

time-check:3.32

k i have so much to sae.
i dunnoe where to start.
but though nth has change much in my life i really feel alot more better.

friday recess was funny..umz was tryin to stay calm.bakthi paravasam
haha she has been fasting for abt a week for the prayers on saturday night.the kumbuduthanam
ask the meaning from ur parents they shud knoe.

k then ...miss subashini was fed up with our class..but she stil smile at me in ur faces.hahha
k after school walk to vista park with uma and chandini..went to play swing all.
hahaha damn funny siah..but i relli had a greaat time.a gd laugh!
thanks to bth of yuew..i relli had a grea time.then walked back home with uma after sendin chandini baq to bustop cuz she had focus..

walk baq..thats when i told uma wht has been goin on at home
i didnt knoe she didnt knoe abtt wht happen in my family when i was primary.
maybe cuz i told preethika.then i thought i told uma also.but uma didnt knoe anything.
so yea yst two days baq oni i told her..she was kinda shock and didnt knoe wht to say.
and sorry didnt tell u before..i didnt feel like telling one anytime sooner and didnt had the time also.then she came my house.chat.i knoe she is relli relli upset with my room condition but she knoe who was to be blamed.it was totally not my fault.

k then uhm after awhile sshe left around 4pm.
i sat down ate watch t.v.
took my shower then left my house at 7.30pm when to meet umz darling again.
went to temple.walk to temple actually then after 467865456 years i prayed.
and noone wud believe this cuz wht umz said was true.u wud jus get peace.
and i did,.after not able to get sleep for about four nights. i slept well tht night.thnx umz.

yes.idiot.u have itchy legs.stubbon ass la u.
cannot rest at home but mus play soccer.
i gonna slap u very soon la..annoying idiot

then saturday..went fareast with yong kang,shamen my bro and mummy,
basically shpping for my bro.and u wud be suprise i bought nth.i kep telling myself ive done shopping of punjabi suits which alr cost abt 150 in total of accesories and evrything.so i better shudup.so manni nice clothers..omg the heels was jus relli relli attracting la.
i knoe i wasnt gonna buy.i purposely didnt bring my dbs card along.haha my mum was like haha where ur card neve bring ah.hahaa.then shamen very sweet to my mummy..both of them have sme type of mother and son bond thingyy.then shopp for long then went home..

rest awhile..didnt had time to take a short nap.
cuz later at night had to go for umz kumbuduthanam at temple.near chinatown if im not wrong
so got ready.wore red colour.cudnt find anything yellow to wear..the prayers all mus wear yellow but for me exceptional cuz i wasnt doin it..so i wore red.
then left my house around 9.30pm..went her house watcch t.v talk to her mother who is a real entertainer.she damn funny siah.and she has beautiful eyes.and now i knoe where uma got great eyes from.ahaha..then erm around 11pm we left her house.went to fetch the other umy..then went to the temple.then relac one corner..missing the chandini..talkin how much kuuthu she does all..then went inside temple they say 5am oni start siah!.we though around 3plus four start.
and i though can reach home around 5 or wht siah.hahaha..5 oni start.
then we sat down ..we talk talk talk...didnt feel bored..but felt abit sleepy..then umz had to get into quee.so me and umy went into the temple.waited for umy to do her prayers.
then she did..it took sme timebut ok la.we followed her one round.
and yes her feet is small la.haha...then after praying went home reach home oni at 6am.
was relli tired by then...sleep then here i am blogging

k rest at home..mum mad idli for me..whack ..
then bro went amk ... stayed at home slack with mummy/
i feel so tired la..iyoo.

k love all
bye

one day.blah blah


how i was i was a writter..

k ppl who hate me will go :wtf u suck.dun write.

hahaha.HEY cme on dun hate me?
i dun wanna hate yu.
hahaha..
i rmber doin those mean things we did in primary school
those childish things like 4agnst 1 whackin up smeone
or printing out pictured of this person editedd version ugly version
and pasting it evrywhere..wah lao damn lame la..
k i jus wanna feel abit crazy thts whye i write..

khay...
nesh fell down sprain ankle hope he;s okhay now
and thanks for evrything idiot..love ya..

who else..
OMG tivya is like MY daily ADVISER LA.
when i cried yst and today
she told me things which i never realise.
wht she said was right.
wht is permenant will always stay with u.

k fuck la i crapping im relli bored!
actualli im not bored.
im sooooo hiding soo much of things im like a talkin machine!


k my mum is suddenly so loving towards me.
thats sucks la.i fuckin feel like crying when she does this to me.
but i dunwanna mke her feel so stressed up or feel so sad tht im jus having a fucked up time
i find no use blogging after this,
ill blog when i fell better.


lan thanks for evrything.
funny saih both of our battery died at the same time! love u dear bro
thanks for tthe support.


k esh.i wish u were here right now .
its k.i love u!bye

time-check:10.04pm

Last night i went home..after stayin out of house for three nights.
i went home last night.mum was there.i jus felt awkward goin home.
i didnt feel tht it was my home anymre.
like a hotel.
as said my tivya i didnt had to suffer and let him live happy
its nt tht i have to suffer and he lives happily in the god damn house.
i told john anna i dun wan him anymre.
i dun wan him anymre in my life.


and in my lonely bdus rides.
i msg hym..wanted to talk to smeone.
well i didnt get any replies frm him.dunno whye

thanks tivya for all the advices the support and evrything .
jus like another sister..ha.seriousli i owe u baq so much.love.s

school.i thought i was doin a great job with the sticker smiles
i was feelin abit sick too.
this is wht u say a good fren knows u the best.one look and umz knew wht was wrong,
i didnt tell any of my problems to anyone.
i kept it to myself.usually i would tell to her.but i guess she has new gd frens.
its khay.ill handle it.

last night i told him i cudnt sleep.
i told him i relli trying to study but nth is goin up my head.
he told me to study.he told me to think of myself.he ask me to do it for him
he said he alwys took me as his own sis.he told me i wonder whye i wasnt his real sister.
and boi he really made me soo touched.love u so much lan anna.

and i did my exams today.
it was gd i wud say.it was not tht hard.

after school i didnt knoe whye but i came to u.
i relli dunnoe whye i did tht mistake,
and seriously signalin is never ur things.and its ok to mke a toungue slip.
hahaa saw evryone.hope evryone had fun=) dun need to lie.im cool.

well in sucha situation i thought my gd fren whom i trusted wud be there for me.
i trusted them so much.right now ive lost it.
seriously u made me cry today ..u mde me cry.
met humi cuz i relli cudnt tke it anymre.
went causeway had to talk to her.cry alot.
though i knoe crying nver helps a situation.


its khay,i dun wanna hate.i have no strength to fight baq.
i jus wanna be silent.
and one day when im gone dun search for me cuz its becuase of u.


how cud u do this to me.
relli darn hurt.
u were so believable.when i knew u were behind this i was jus so hurt
mastermind.

i jus wish u wud go away ..less hurt.

1. Is that your natural hair colour?
yupz

2. Where was your profile pic taken?
in the car

3. What's your middle name?
dun have

4. Your current relationship status?
Single

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back???
ha.i think so.

6. What is your current mood?
fcuked up..feelin betrayed

7. What colour underwear are you wearing?
red.lols.where did purple go.hahaha..wtf question is this

8. What makes you happy?
loved ones.chocolate

9. Are you musically inclined?
sorta

10. If you could go back in time and change something what would it be?
wished she never married this guy.and never bothered talkin to the bunch of ppl in sch and become close

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
penguin.

12. Ever had a near death experience?
yea countless

13. Something you do a lot?
blog.talk.go out.current cry

14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
paparazzi-lady gaga

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
VIMAL CHARI

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
uncle's fren.dunnoe her name

17. When was the last time you cried?
5hours ago.around 1.15pm

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
never wud

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
power to mke ppl regret and the power to kill ppl .

20. What do you notice first off in a guy/girl?
Eyes.personality of cuz

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
mocha.but i rarely go there

22. What's your biggest secret?
wud it be a secret then?

23. What's your favorite color?
purple.red

24. When was the last time you lied?
jus now.when i said i was fine.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
ha yea

26. Do you have braces?
no

27. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
the heart to firgive smone.to be a dog and keep quiet when she backstabs u

28. What are you eating or drinking?
nth

29. Do you speak any other language?
malayalam.abit of malay.moderate malay

30. What's your favorite smell?
perfume..ahaha..specially esh and lan one..



im jus trying to cool down.
et myself relax so i need not need to be violent in such a situation
thanks u marde me cry today right after my paper.

time is not impt

cuz u dunnno when she wud jus leave the world..




k fucked up world.

divorce.viloence.abuse.drama.running away.
this is wht is hhappening in my house.
ccrying till eyes got swallon.
if whteva has been confirm
im leaving riverside sec.
movingfar.and when i do so im not saying a word.
forgive me all my loved ones.


and i took u as my brother. i loved u like my own brother.
i worry for u when u told me u were getting in trouble,
i prayed for u to do well in exams and to stay safe.
i really loved u .and i have wished u were my own brother before
right now u hurt me so much.u mke me cry so much.
i have so much problems.whye are u doin this to me.
u give me one mre reason to leave this world.
i love u so much dear one.i told u i dun wanna tlk to u cuz i cant tke u hurtiing me anymre.
i cudnt tke ur hurting words.15 yr old.my lil bro.thanks for the hurt.i love u.goodbye.

thanks to john anna,karthick anna,anand,lan sayang.
thank for the support.thanks for picking me up in a lorry wasting ur work time cming all the way to talk to my mum.buying me food.spending time wit me.


i cnt stop crying.
hating my life so much.
tom exams i pray i dunneed to retain.
i knoe i might.
i pray to god.i relli wish noone gets my life.
and if i die,i shud die alone.


i learn a big thing in life.
frens are good but when u need them suddenly u think u r blind.its not tht u r blind.there's jus noone there.fuckin learn my lesson.
brothers for life.

time-check:12.09pm

it doesnt seem to be 12.09am
and so i hate to talk abt school.
i hate to even knoe wht are u up to.
i hate cuz im hurt=d


K.so decided not go for npcc wasnt feeling too well
and was realy tired.
and desperately needed to catch up with sleep.
so tamil class was ok.
jus tht i dunnoe wht is wrong with him nowadays.
im getting annoyed in the way he speaks.
i feel like telling him off.
but he is like a lil bro to me....grr i wonder why i do such mistakes.

k then uhm after school umz ask me follow her cwp
so i jus followed.
then ate ice kachang.met umy
then eat eat..saw smoone with her boifren.haha suha.
then laugh like mad..lol i dun sound as if im happy.im tired now.
but i was really laughin like crazy woman then.
ha.
then i wanted to go home.was too tired to follow her to go threading sorry umz
then saw preethika smal chat wit her.
thank you for waiting for my bus.appreciate it.

head home was abit pissed off with bro.
he thinks imma wallkin bank.
evrytime i walk pass he asks me for 10.
and now i dun even knoe how much he owes me la.
when am i gonna spend for myself i wonde.r
and speakin of which i haven eaten chocolate for very long.


fell alseep.
bro was so swit to cover up my calls and opening the window and turning on the fan.
i was relli tired and weak to do any of those.

woke up sat down was jus feelin stupid
fell like goin out.didnt relli feel like eating jus wanted to go out so yea.
first call went to umz.umz say she eat alr so dint come
called up qianhui ..was in a gd mood jus felt like goin slightly further to eat
went to vista point to eat.saw alot of ppl there.

then msg lan..he ask me meet him awhile since he was in wdls..at hall
so after sending fren baq arond 9.30 went to meet him..
he wasnt alone.lols...anand,john anna,rooban,fasheeq,rag,nicholas was there..
talk talk talk..aiyo lan ban all look so different fasheeq anna mre worst i cudnt recognise him
hahaha..then talk talk..i miss lan like so much la ..
then left abit late..they all headed to 888.i was like noo too tired wanna go home
went home.came home blogging now..hahah


uploaded loadza pics iin fb ..tiringgg..


and preethika if my msg sounded rude.
im seriously didnt meant it to sound rude.
im jus leeting u knoe.ccuz i dun wanna force if u dun wish to.
cuz thats how it seems to be nowadays la.

kk much loves.
im off to watch movie.


do u knoe i stil love you.jus the way u USED to?


when i call u out u said u have this and tht.
lunch is very good meal to hve.
u talk about it.but u r with it?i wonder whye

time: bad time

last night..
i see her cry after so long.
i see hery cry like noone does.
the last time i saw her cry this way was when i as young as 9.
primary four.
those hell i went through to see her cry .to see her bein tortured.to see her attempting sucide.
how old was i again? 9
i wonder wht ALL of my frens do when they are 9.
see their parents loving them.bringing them to playgrounds.buying them toys to play.
bringing them to exciting places in spore.and to jus love and have a happy family.
well miine was different at 9 yrs old.i see her cry i see her being tortured physically and mentally.seeing sitting on the window of a 10th story window about to jump?
god is great she didnt.but wht if she had.
when i was 9 i realise reality.i have went through so much of hurt tht is why i can think now.i cn handle situations.im patient.whye ?beacause compared to others telling me they have no fren?this fren dun wanna tlk to this fren?i dun fren u u dun fren me?her parents whck her.?all sorts.i jus simply think to my heart.urs is nth like mine.
i would sae evrynight i cried when i was little girl.
when i was 9.i started hating man. specially *him*.
i never could love him..when i see him i feel disgusted.but im forced to see him .
well things did chge when i went primary 6 evrything was ok.
but there were small problems in between .but nth compared to tht.and i never thought it would ever happen again in my life.ever...

and two weeks back i see the same thing.
last night she broke down looking at those massages.
she cried to me..she cudnt tke it.she had now way out.
she has to stay with this even is she doesent want and whye?cuz she isnt rich and never support her kids with her low pay.she and her kids wud suffer.
she is goin through hell once again.and she cannot tke this.she told me last night she relli hate her life and she does this oni cause she wants her kids education not to be affected..
once again im 15.jus a teenage girl who is suppose to enjoy life
goin out .studying having childish small small problems in life and talkin crap.

NOT THIS LIFE.a life noones wants to have.
and seriously if u dunnoe whts goin on in my life u wudnt knoe why i dun respect sme ppl.
dun jus jump saying im in the wrong.i keep quiet cuz i dun wanna argue.

noone knows anything abt wht goin on.
i dunnoe who to talk it out to.
well gd frens are with their bestfrens.
bestfrens are with their sisters.
i stay silent,as much i can.as much as i could tke it.
ill lock it up with me

and
even though i didnt talk much to nesh.
i was talkin to him online jus now.
like after 73456788 yrs..
haha yes obviously i miss him even though i dun seem to,
and the one thing u said jus made my worst day jus abit better.
when i told u dun..u told me ok.
appreciate tht..thanks da..love.

my dear sweethart lan..
is baq..he tried lieng to me..but when i stayed silent cuz i knew wht he was saying was all lies.
he then told me the real thing wht happened.and u knoe it i missed u so much.
where have u been when i wanted to beside me.
and im sorry im hiding loadz of things..and im sorry.
when he asked me hows life..i jus chge topic..i didnt want u to worry.
glad he doesent read my blogg.haha.
and u talkin to me alredi mke me happy.love u so much bro.cnnt wait to see yuew.

had a chat with dhinesh
im in the middle.i dunnoe who is right who is leing.
but he sounded so right..but im not gonna side for anyone.
but im still here for u as a gd fren.and dun worry if wht u were saying is true ull find ur way out.
all the best.

im a wonder woman so much of things but i still rmber to appreciate ppl

i fell down today while playing captains ball.
haha its not yazid;s fault i jus want carefull.
and thanks chandini for the care she was like angry i fell.haha.
but i told chand he didnt push me.i fell on my own.haha..

then taufiq had to say things which hurt.
and i didnt expect u side me..
the least u cud do was to ask.how am i.
its khay i dun expect anything.

went to republic poly with tivya and ravin.
ate..went to buy oreo cheese cake for my brother.
then head home ..

tivya,dun get stressed up.seriouslly thanks for evrything.
the planning the company and evrything..and yea when i feel better and feel like sayin it i wud tell u.

and i dunnoe whther to tell u this ..
i dun think u wud believe wht i say..one reason cuz u love him and me sayin it u wudnt understand cuz he blinded u.

i jus feel like lying in someone shoulder and jus wish evrything was goin to be ok.
and when i say tht .esh is who i think of.esh anna i love u so much.=)
im not gonna say im having problems.im not telling u my problems.
i dun wanna worry u.jus stay beside me and i can handle anything.well i wish i cud.but il try.
ill fight till the end.i have will power.ill try and try.
though it hurts.i knoe when i get through this u wud be proud of me.
i can try anna.but its relli hard...tke cre.i love u.

the oni thing i want right now.
is ur hugs.ur loving words.ur love.ur smile.you.
and whoever gives it to me.i really appreciate it.
and once again i expect nth from anyone

and the oni i do to feel better is to get myself relli exhausted.i drain out my energy
i go for cca .i go for captian ball game.im playing basket ball i walk to school to and fro.
i do things jus to tire myself. its a way to fake it when smeone ask why u sad ..naahs im jus tired.hahha.


peace is wht u yearn for.

too tired today

lack of sleep


oh wait
this was suppose to be written last night
get well soon vimal CHARIII!
asshole missed his oralss..



andand..hahahaha
yess syg evryone uses facebook now.lols
girls....
thanks for goin off even after the countless time i told u not!





kk im goin down to get a drink thts it for today

time-check: 10.35pm

today is a mad day=D

I Went to school..
and boi my fren humi says ur voice iss sooo damn mature...
i was like...i miss tht cute voice ..i miss tht act cute face..wud u chge baq how u used to be.
i relli wish u do.i miss the old u..


k..
recess was not as exciting as how it ALWAYS used to be.
i dunnoe how isit gonna be in weeks?
lol the song let it be is running through my head right now..
khay actually im not angry.im not pissed.
im jus lost.i dunno who to trust actually!?

and wht is go great in u which i like?
i dunnoe..u jus look so perfect to my eyes.ha but u r not goin to knoe how i always wanted things to be=)

k after school i had to walk home relli fast !!so exhuasted.starting to phant.
then went home chge to unit t then rush back to school had to cool down abit..drank water.my legs was jus aching..finished my oral..oral wasnt tht bad but i felt very stress!
then dhinesh like ask me how was it then i was like grr stressfull la!hahaha
then 3.45 i like waiting for smeone to like wake up and start walkin first..smeone daring enuf..lol no tht im not i was jus not redy to mke a move.
and thinesh started goin first then the whole crowd including me started leaving.
stupid chandru idiot givng the reaction with me and smeone..lol.idiot la he..hahaha

then uhmm stupid bus left had to run to caseway for my patroling duty..
reach there chge..then started duty untill like 6.30 i never sit down like...like wtf la!
then left there..my back was killing me..
went to sme shop to get hari raya card for my mum.wait for fuckin bus which took damn long reach home at 8plus..
had to stand in my bus ride..so damn crowded.when home..sat down..smeone had to jus mke my life difficult..jus have to hurt me in such a situation..i cudnt tke it..
physically was hurt due to my migrane,leg ache and back hurt ..and now mentally too.
jus too much for me.im only 15,im human..cudnt tke it..had blur visions after while due to tears=D THEN showered..
sat down to study..

im baq on track for studying ive started to study ..own revision..thns uma for motivating me.
she sat with me last night teaching me despite not even getting two hours sleep the previous night.and control her eyes from closing jus for me..thanks uma i really appreciate it.
love u darleeng



and u knoe tht when i see u i feel so brighten up even when the world is demolishing.
there;s smth in you so special..i dunnoe..special one.tke cre.
and do wel for ur exams..owh how i wish i cud rewind baq time.the way we were last time is jus sweet memories ill never forget.love you


sorry umy ka.i knoe its been awile since we met.
but i have to keep to my words about attending cca and performing well in studies.
hope u understand.
hope to see u soon.love u.
*hugs*

time-check:9.53pm

k erm..
school started and noone obviously wants to go back to school
but it wasnt bad for the first day of school..
and was i admiring from the back?hahaha one stone two mango.dun need of explaination for this.


whtelse.
hmmm..
didnt go for cca i was told to go on wednesday...cus help is needed then=)
khay recesss was disappointing todae.
i thought evrything was baq to normal i thought i jus cud get baq wht is used to be
i was taken a bback..when u said u had smth on on monday when u actually told u didnt knoe it was a holiday till she told u? which part was the fact?i dunno?
and it used to be we all talkin..but now evryone is in pairs.u speak to one and only.
i was wondering why all the time..im still..
and the thing which mke me realli go down the drain when u went up first.
pls dun tell me ur teacher is strict and has to be early in class once again.
even tht it acceptable.u jus walk off not saying a word?
how do u expect me to react?
sad angry pissed heartbroken?
i dunnoe im jus out of words to sae??
well its up to u..but when u do this whht comes to my mind is wht happen two yrs baq,
its like gonna happen again..i relli dunnoe....

anyways.
i came home straight after school.
feelin abit mad actually...
rest while in my room fell asleep..
woke up uma brought me food .thanks uma.

then i studied like after freakin long later.
and yes i did relli study jus mind was getting diverted.
but umz keep makin me come baq on track..with loadz of lecture and scolding.
serious ones eh..
haha..yea..did my work..
then she rest while.she needs to relli catch up on sleep.
she looks so exhuasted..rest well darling.
love u =)

i only asked god one thing.but god gave me evrything except tht.i asked god again for the same thing he gave gave me a thousand reaction but never gave it to me.
but when i was with esh..even without askin for it i had it..i had 100% of it when he was jus beside me.leaning on his shoulder having the whole world under my hands.evrything under control..now im baq facing god askin whther would i ever get my wish before i die?
peace is wht i wish and have been wishing for.

time-check:1.04pm


last day of holz..
like so damn freakin fast laa..


and i did go out but i didnt go out like alot or wad so ever.
went with frens like oni once then with npcc things.
then went to school
went to birthday party on saturday night AT balestier.

i think ya thts abt it..
and im baq with cca lalala..

khay im not missing school at all.
but im missing recess breakss..*stares at uma * for not meeting me.
khay erm ouh

last night was great.
aafter so manni yrs me and bro dance together .
haha usualli we wud be dancing with other ppl..
then last night was great..
i was relli tired but deep like all the way very hyper.lols...
then shakar anneh damn drunk! haha.
he cudnt even walk properli..
then my uncle drop him off home.


k tooday was jus total slackin at home

sorry niven bro didnt come to amk odae..
sorrrrrryyyy...love u ..and miss u so much!

khay i got to iron my uni
clean my room before uma comes screaming at me
pack my bag
do tamil hmwk
and write my name in my PINK phoolscape.
i didnt miss u this weeks at all.
but do i still the same way abt u?its complicated.
let it be..


every left has a right.every gal has a night.


planning chalet plans with tivya.


i dunnoe wht im gonna do is goin to mke me in trouble...
but im stilll thinkin whther to do it?
it might reflect bad but its part and parcel of lifE?
haven told anything to my bestfren..wht is she gonna think?wud she allow?
but im shure my *he* bestfrenwudnt...


and i seriously dunno whther to be upset angry or sad abt this guy missing in action for months.
does he even rmber me?does he miss me as much as i do?
grrr dear bro i miss u so much..
im relli soo upset with ur absence.
lan where did u go?



and before i forget
i went bukit panjang thinkin tht i wud feel less hurt cuz two yrs has passed and hoping time wud heal pain..but it didnt a bit..when i see the places there.when i saw esh block..my heart was fuckin heavy.after so long i felt such a pain in my heart..unbearable.
memories are jus relli stabbing my heart real heart.
i love u so much sygesh.
cud i jus get one mre chance?jus to go back in time and tell u one last time how much i love u.
even tht wudnt be enuff..
believe it or not.i still cry i still feel the hurt when i hear his name.
nth cud compete with him.
rest in peace

thanks uma for all those sweet things and advices.
and thanks for the attention i needed at tht time.
love u.

time-check:11.55pm

kkk..

went for cca with a big bag cuz suppose to study in library after cca with umz
last min cancelled so didnt go

after duty i and jinwen roamed awhile in cwp then went to buy double chocolate

wooo chocolate!!

then went home..mum brought me to shop i buy food cme home eat
watch sarvam ...owh i still love ttht song..

khay then chats online with uma umy vidette..funnn y siah..

whtelse..
wht am i suppose to tell you when u r the cause if things
and u have the cheeck to tell me wht u did

justa a tiny request from you
if possible jus stop talkin to me.
cause if u r doin this two-headed bussinness im not interested in alright?
no seriously...if u wanna go jus leave alred.im not clinging onto ur legs begging u please to not go.
so if u wanna go alredi jus fuck off rights..ill show u the way out of my life wit pleasure.
it doesent hurt much anymre cuz if it happens.then it wud be the 2nd time.
evryone knows.i forgive but cant forget.i can be close wit yuew but not how it was first was

and when i take out this big big big red card u give me it said "dun give up on me even i was relli annoying"
i took it out last night..i looked at it laying on bed..silence is wht went through my room.
i didnt knoe wht to sae.i wonder whther wht u wrote is wht u meant,
i mean how much further u want me tolerate this.i have my limits..yes i patient.but afterall im a human being too yeahhs?

so yea.im not jealous.
im not angry.
im not upset.
i jus wish to stay silent on this matter.
i was telling bruno last nite jus sit baq and watch the drama put up and the best thing is to keep my lips sealed.less word less hurt eh...

certains words certain colours certain things had been chge in thhe post=)

time-check:6.53pm

whenver i im soo free (which mean im home the whole day)
i have nth to blog and i wait for smth exciting to happens

then when smmth good or bad happens.either im out and cmme home late and its too late to blog.or or i wudnt have the time to blog..

its jus so weird isnt it??


evn now ive truckloadz to sae..but i dun think i cud jus write 100 types of different emotions in one blog..it wud sound mre like a fairytale then.ha.

khay lets jus summarise.
i went to ktv with mates cuz it was wilren's birthday=D
HAD A SPLENDID TIME WITH THEM.enojyed myself.
leaving the place with a bag of advices..

i haven been attendin cca..
not been doin self study..
oh boi i relli dun wanna retain..and lenon is jus a big model for retaining(no offence)
i have to start mugging alr la..
and im relli sorry to those who has told me to get baq in track..i wil okhay...
jus realising it abit late..


speakin of which..
hahaha..
i wonder whther im abt to experience wht happen two yrs baq?
seems tht way? a promise to go over her place when roomwarming is done.
AWESOME=)
so yea.u knoe wht.im kinda getting used to it.im jus gonna relac one corner watch the drama.
its gonna be abit hard.but i love to face challenges..its mkes me jus a better person in life.
nothing comes ur way easily.vokay.
let me sit baq and relax and watch the show.


uhm wht else..??
where else did i go?
i think i hvae loadz of plan but iver been cancelling all cuz i mus attend cca..not tht i want to.
i had plans wit breakin fast with taufik and company tom..(cancelled)
i had plans with my goodfren qianhui to go republic poly on thursday night for there;s sme international japanese thingy.oh and we love japanese food.=D..not goin cuz i have to study for math,,got some revision to do.
i relly hope i relli get smth in return for all the sacrifisin done...



i relly missing loadz of ppl=))
thnx to those who has been there for me when i needed sme love

A - Attached: nahs. (forutnately?uunfirtunately?)

B - Bed size: Single (whye?are u buyin me a bigger bed?)

C - Close family member in your age(opposite sex): noone my age family member.then how?niven is one yr elder..

D - Dentist name: dun have one (dumb)

E - Early Bird or Night Owl: Night Owl (who says early bird these days)

F - Favorite color: purple and red (since when?like abt last month)

G - Gold or Silver: Silver (obvious)

H - Height: im definately not short

I - Ink as in tatto's you have: none (not planning to)

J - Job title: Student ( wht else?)

K - Kitchen Meal or Restaurant:kitchen meal ( oni if mum or grandmother cooks.not my house grandmother...the one whom lives in ang mo kio)

L - Lust Or Love: love (wasnt tht obvious too?0.0)

M - Month of birth: july (special babeh)

N - Nicknames: prass? (andy koh calls me anna)

O - On time or late: on time (very particular with this)

P - Pet Name: i named my fish,fish.

Q-Quote from a movie: "i have the whole world beside me when im with you"

R - Ring size: sialah i dunnoe..

S - Siblings: pain in the neck.wahaha piradeepdeepdeep (oni i can scold so the rest shudup)

T - Time you woke up: 9=D (Went for breakfast)

U - Urgent thing on your to do list: study for end of year

V - Vegetable you dislike: bittergourt. (sucks la)

W - Wishing : Wish i whtever i say comes true

X - X-rays you've had: yea on my arn (stupid soccer)

Y - Yummy food you make: chocolate cookies,chocolate muffins,chocolate cake,chocolate crunch.

Z - Zoo animal: huh?i lyke tigers=D

fuckkin annoyed la.

today i jus felt fucked up
nth happened but i feel like some loser layinng at home ..
like wht the fuck am i doing?

fuck and wht is up with changing plans after me goin so much of toruble to form up a fuckin group...fuckin plan things and fucking having meet up..wht the fuck..u think i have so much oof bloody time?fuck those ass holes who jus simply chge the people for the planning of smth..


fuckin pissed la...waste all my effort..

and man im losing interest in goin for cca.
chging plans?chging ppl?


wht is wrong !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


wah i feel like jus screaming at their faces ..
'whts ur fucking problem..do i look like a fuckin dog to you?"


and i have a bitch too to ruin things in life
bitch has a sidekick too.


fuck i hate this...fuckin fuckin hate this fuckshit..
fuck u alll for fuckin ruin my life la




wah chi bai la..
fuckin whore.
kan ni nah laa..



hope this faggots burn in hell la....suck shit la.