time: bad time

last night..
i see her cry after so long.
i see hery cry like noone does.
the last time i saw her cry this way was when i as young as 9.
primary four.
those hell i went through to see her cry .to see her bein tortured.to see her attempting sucide.
how old was i again? 9
i wonder wht ALL of my frens do when they are 9.
see their parents loving them.bringing them to playgrounds.buying them toys to play.
bringing them to exciting places in spore.and to jus love and have a happy family.
well miine was different at 9 yrs old.i see her cry i see her being tortured physically and mentally.seeing sitting on the window of a 10th story window about to jump?
god is great she didnt.but wht if she had.
when i was 9 i realise reality.i have went through so much of hurt tht is why i can think now.i cn handle situations.im patient.whye ?beacause compared to others telling me they have no fren?this fren dun wanna tlk to this fren?i dun fren u u dun fren me?her parents whck her.?all sorts.i jus simply think to my heart.urs is nth like mine.
i would sae evrynight i cried when i was little girl.
when i was 9.i started hating man. specially *him*.
i never could love him..when i see him i feel disgusted.but im forced to see him .
well things did chge when i went primary 6 evrything was ok.
but there were small problems in between .but nth compared to tht.and i never thought it would ever happen again in my life.ever...

and two weeks back i see the same thing.
last night she broke down looking at those massages.
she cried to me..she cudnt tke it.she had now way out.
she has to stay with this even is she doesent want and whye?cuz she isnt rich and never support her kids with her low pay.she and her kids wud suffer.
she is goin through hell once again.and she cannot tke this.she told me last night she relli hate her life and she does this oni cause she wants her kids education not to be affected..
once again im 15.jus a teenage girl who is suppose to enjoy life
goin out .studying having childish small small problems in life and talkin crap.

NOT THIS LIFE.a life noones wants to have.
and seriously if u dunnoe whts goin on in my life u wudnt knoe why i dun respect sme ppl.
dun jus jump saying im in the wrong.i keep quiet cuz i dun wanna argue.

noone knows anything abt wht goin on.
i dunnoe who to talk it out to.
well gd frens are with their bestfrens.
bestfrens are with their sisters.
i stay silent,as much i can.as much as i could tke it.
ill lock it up with me

and
even though i didnt talk much to nesh.
i was talkin to him online jus now.
like after 73456788 yrs..
haha yes obviously i miss him even though i dun seem to,
and the one thing u said jus made my worst day jus abit better.
when i told u dun..u told me ok.
appreciate tht..thanks da..love.

my dear sweethart lan..
is baq..he tried lieng to me..but when i stayed silent cuz i knew wht he was saying was all lies.
he then told me the real thing wht happened.and u knoe it i missed u so much.
where have u been when i wanted to beside me.
and im sorry im hiding loadz of things..and im sorry.
when he asked me hows life..i jus chge topic..i didnt want u to worry.
glad he doesent read my blogg.haha.
and u talkin to me alredi mke me happy.love u so much bro.cnnt wait to see yuew.

had a chat with dhinesh
im in the middle.i dunnoe who is right who is leing.
but he sounded so right..but im not gonna side for anyone.
but im still here for u as a gd fren.and dun worry if wht u were saying is true ull find ur way out.
all the best.

im a wonder woman so much of things but i still rmber to appreciate ppl

i fell down today while playing captains ball.
haha its not yazid;s fault i jus want carefull.
and thanks chandini for the care she was like angry i fell.haha.
but i told chand he didnt push me.i fell on my own.haha..

then taufiq had to say things which hurt.
and i didnt expect u side me..
the least u cud do was to ask.how am i.
its khay i dun expect anything.

went to republic poly with tivya and ravin.
ate..went to buy oreo cheese cake for my brother.
then head home ..

tivya,dun get stressed up.seriouslly thanks for evrything.
the planning the company and evrything..and yea when i feel better and feel like sayin it i wud tell u.

and i dunnoe whther to tell u this ..
i dun think u wud believe wht i say..one reason cuz u love him and me sayin it u wudnt understand cuz he blinded u.

i jus feel like lying in someone shoulder and jus wish evrything was goin to be ok.
and when i say tht .esh is who i think of.esh anna i love u so much.=)
im not gonna say im having problems.im not telling u my problems.
i dun wanna worry u.jus stay beside me and i can handle anything.well i wish i cud.but il try.
ill fight till the end.i have will power.ill try and try.
though it hurts.i knoe when i get through this u wud be proud of me.
i can try anna.but its relli hard...tke cre.i love u.

the oni thing i want right now.
is ur hugs.ur loving words.ur love.ur smile.you.
and whoever gives it to me.i really appreciate it.
and once again i expect nth from anyone

and the oni i do to feel better is to get myself relli exhausted.i drain out my energy
i go for cca .i go for captian ball game.im playing basket ball i walk to school to and fro.
i do things jus to tire myself. its a way to fake it when smeone ask why u sad ..naahs im jus tired.hahha.


peace is wht u yearn for.